When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
