do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
