I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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