I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
