Im at strip club and am horny
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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