Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
