I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
