New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
