I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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