Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
