Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
