I hope mine doesn't look like that
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
