He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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