So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
