where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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