i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
