i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
