Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
