somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
