i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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