So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
