WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
