she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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