Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
