Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
we made out on top of his cat.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He felt like a one man threesome
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
