he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
