why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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