I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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