My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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