You made me cry and you don't even care
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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