I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
