I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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