dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
