if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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