That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
