My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
