He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I skipped work to stalk him.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
