dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You have to summon your inner elephant
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
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