it hurts more in the daytime
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
