i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
