Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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