You really coming over, don't trick.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
