What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
