Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
my poor anus
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
