i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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