my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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