I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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