This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So squirting runs in the family.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
