There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
