I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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