Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
