I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
