There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My pussy is not your playground.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
