i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
